Family, marriage and friendship
ON & OFF FRIENDSHIPS
‘Friendship is a relationship involving voluntary or unconstrained interaction in which participants respond to one another personally.’ Wright
Friendship evolves through voluntary interaction between two persons over time. It typically develops through intimate, face-to-face interaction. Recently, a new form of friendship has emerged. This type of friendship initiates and develops through computer-mediated communication (CMC) in online social settings, such as chat-rooms, newsgroups, and websites. The use of CMC has become one of the most popular means of communication.
“I want to be lonely no more” …”I feel lonely”…… these are not just hit songs… but the reality in many people’s lives that drive them down the path of finding friends…!!! The above lines could be the exact reason why many people opt for friendship online. Yes it is true that they may find their best friend, soul mate and a companion whom they can share their happiness and sorrows with.
Online friendships are emissions spewed out of the mind-boggling advancement in the cyber world. As much as the world is snared big time by fast food such as pizzas and burgers, friendships too are being developed in haste. Online friendships are all about fizz and fun. And the loneliness described here is not real solitude but the sense of vacuum one feels due to mental and emotional fatigue that arise as a consequence of minimal interactions with family and friends and an overload of work.
There is a set of people who make friends online just to have fun and meet new people without any real commitments, all they are looking out for is a good time pass. They make use of the chat rooms available in yahoo , rediff etc.. It is definitely on the rise. Even real friends are sometimes more virtual. It is a great way to meet people from all over the world. It also helps people to be more at ease with their friends because they are chatting with them through a medium. In today’s world, online friendship is fun, provided you exercise good caution and care. You certainly get a kick out of meeting people who may be millions of miles away. It has its ill effects and it must be used wisely because this can lead to dangerous situations.
A comparative study of Internet friendships Vs Offline friendships explains why, these days, many men/women get into cross-sex online friendships, irrespective of their age, race and social class. The study also refers to the development of friendship over time, typically at least a year or so. In other words, the 'duration of the relationship' is important to determine the quality of friendship. The study implies that aspects such as intimacy, depth, breadth, self-disclosures, confiding personal matters, display of emotions, code change etc are developed only over time and not spontaneous, indiscriminate and impulsive as in a typical cross-sex internet friendship.
The quality of offline friendship is any day better than online relationship, unless of course in the case of long time cross-sex friendships.. The study also points to various reasons as to why men/women many a time prefer Internet friendships to offline friendships. These reasons are sometimes understandable, provided such reasons legitimately manifest themselves in their behavioural pattern.
Of course, this study is relevant only for 'serious' friendships between same sex or cross-sex where both the parties need to be honest, straightforward and truthful to each other. Surely, those who mask their faces, do not reveal their true identity or disclose misleading information or paint only the 'best qualities' of their side or sometimes even exploit the situations by invoking the 'sympathies' of the other party while referring to their perceived or actual shortcomings or handicaps - for these people, internet or offline friendship does not mean anything !!!! Unfortunately, these people create problems for themselves and the others who depend upon them emotionally. Hence it is important to understand which type of behaviour is acceptable in an online friendship while deciding the quality of such friendship
Some feel that social presence is necessary to foster and nurture friendships. Social presence refers to an individual’s feeling when people engage in personal communication and interaction. CMC is typically characterized as low in social presence because it lacks spatial features, personal appearance, and dynamic nonverbal cues such as facial expression, posture and gesture. It is also constrained by lower physical availability and frequency of exposure, which are considered crucial for relationship development . Hence close relationships can hardly develop online. Studies show that quality ratings for online friendships are lower than that for offline friendships.
On the other hand there is a set of people who use this is as medium to keep in touch with their old friends who have flown to different parts of the world .This is very convenient and economical. It is something that brings the world closer in a good, interactive way. Keeping in touch is not something that’s happening these days. Everyone is so very preoccupied that even close friends are becoming like oil prices – not under our control! In order to nurture good friendships, this serves a helping hand. Many families have unearthed the bonds of kinship by starting online friendship/kinship groups. These groups enable the members to exchange information and news, invite members to one another’s family functions and seek help in case of need.
The movie ‘MITR’ directed by Revathy Menon is an outstanding portrayal of the home maker who turns from an insecure woman to a more confident ,outgoing 21st century woman after meeting a person online .This friendship she chose helped in bringing out her hidden talents. If everyone turns out lucky meeting a true friend online..then definitely online friendship is a boon…
With inputs from Annapoorna and Sandhya Agarwal from MOP College for Women
