Eve's Times is happy to announce that Family Therapist and Parent-Teacher educator Brinda Jayaraman will answer any query you want to ask relating to interpersonal interactions. Send in your questions to askbrinda@evestimesonline.com or send to our office directly.

I  am a young man of 24 years. I have severe leucoderma and I feel very embarrassed to interact with anybody other than my family members. I have read  several motivating articles on how physical attributes do not make a difference, how to overcome weakness and try to practice as much  as possible. But what can the future hold for a person like me? (I am sure I cannot have a family of my own, though I have  a good career.) 

Your frustration reflects in your letter. You will become that which you think you are! If you think you do not have a future,  no effort is going to work! Failure of your efforts  is due to  this baseline in your thinking.  Look for people who are worse than  you  are in life and learn how they have changed their adversity into advantage. You will get inspired and motivated. Inspiration works at the thought level and motivation, at the action level. The silver lining I see is that you have come up well in your career. Compensate by diverting  your mind to activities that would enhance your talents. Compensation, a psychological defense mechanism, helps an individual make up for what s/he has lost- in your case optimism about life. Please do not attempt to compare yourself with others and end up in frustration! A pessimist looks at the letter ‘O’ as the last letter in ‘Zero’; an optimist sees ‘O’ as the first letter in ‘Opportunity’! ’ Autosuggestion helps in fine tuning our minds towards positive thinking. Keep reading some positive statements, hearing positive people and recalling a positive role model. "More of ears, more of eyes and less of mouth makes a person wise." Come on young man, find the treasure of life which is within you! Face your problem boldly and tell yourself ‘So what?’

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I am a well-educated woman and come from a reasonably well-to-do family. I have a relatively peaceful family life. I don't have any responsibilities at home as I have domestic help. I have a well-behaved teenaged daughter and a hardworking husband, who though doesn't talk much, is affectionate. I spend a lot of time talking to my friends and relatives or go window-shopping. Weekends are spent with the family going to the club, or watching movies. Of and on I tried working during my free time but nothing seems to be suitable because the poor pay does not compensate for your time and effort. Hence I am carrying on… Yet at the back of my mind there is a feeling of guilt, a feeling that I could do something…Am I making a mistake by not doing anything concrete with my life?

Many middle-aged women search for their identity; because all along they have been referred to as Mrs.......... or the mother of ...They feel lost because till then they have been playing the roles of the daughter, wife and in-law to begin with and later the role of a mother. When children are grown up, both husband and children are no more dependent on them, resulting in a desperate thought, 'What am I contributing?' This vacuum in the ladies is because they have not been playing the role of self, which would give them an identity! May be you were very passionate about something in childhood and due to constraints you were unable to do it! Not a bad idea at all to pick up threads now. Or you can take up a part time service which is going to give you the satisfaction, rather than monetary benefits. I  am not discounting PMS which can create mood fluctuations and generate negative perceptions when we are low. Please rule it out by consulting your gynecologist. There is absolutely no need to feel guilty about wasting time. If I could take up my studies after 29 years' break carve a niche' for myself, sure you can! The Tamizh novel, 'Naan Naanaaga' by writer, Sivashankari portrays a woman in your plight and narrates how she handles it.

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I have a daughter who has excelled in academics and is employed in an MNC today. She is doing very well in her life. Our problem is that she is our only daughter. My husband and I love her very much and we share a very comfortable relationship with her, which has always been open and warm. We were disappointed when she said that she was not thinking about marriage in the near future. She lives in another flat in the city. I have come to hear disturbing news about her. I believe she has male visitors and there are night parties. I also heard that their company takes them for some conferences or whatever in ECR and that they are free to move and sleep with anybody! A friend of my told me categorically that my daughter too is involved in all these. It is very hard for us to believe and accept this, even though we are quiet modern in our views. We do believe that women should get the best education and go to work. However, relationships, promiscuity and all other transgressions are unacceptable to us. I tried to broach the topic with my daughter,   but whenever I do this, she shrugs and tells me that I am overly suspicious. She tells me to relax and be cool.   I have lost my sleep and dangerous thoughts keep haunting me all the time. Do you think our daughter will change?

"Though they are with you, yet they belong not to you; you may give them your love; but not your thoughts, for they have their own thoughts."- Although I understand your anxiety, I see your 'ownership' of your daughter as the reason for your anxiety! Learn to let go, as quoted from Kalil Gibran. You can do nothing about her belief system being opposite to that of yours! While today's parents take pride in the success of their children, they are unable to accept their children's non-conformity! If your daughter is able to handle the newfound freedom with discrimination, your worry is baseless. If you have not trained her that way, she could mess up!! She would learn only through her experiences-not by your advice. You can play a supportive role. Give her the confidence that you would not judge her with your yardstick and that she could share anything with you. Once she knows that she is accepted by parents as she is, she would listen to you. It seems like you are assuming many things and also listening to hear-says regarding your daughter. Please do not encourage this trend, as you would over react to her and hurt her. Stop brooding and start trusting her.