Canteen Banter
INSTALLING A HUSBAND
Dear Tech support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and
Noticed a distinct slow-down in overall system performance,
Particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which
Operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable
Programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and
then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0
and Golf Clubs 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply
crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these
Problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed, Desperate
DEAR DESPERATE,
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package,
while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to
download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0
update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0
should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and
Flowers 3.5.
But remember, overuse of the above application can cause
Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or
Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that
will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a
virus in the background that will eventually seize control of
all your system resources.)
Also do not attempt to reinstall Boyfriend 5.0 program. This is
an unsupported application and Husband 1.0 will cause it to crash.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have
limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You
might consider buying additional software to improve memory and
performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.
Good Luck,
Tech Support
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Chumma Predictions
ARIES - The Daredevil
Energetic, adventurous and spontaneous, confident andenthusiastic, the Arian is a fun-loving person who also loves challenges. Those who belong to this sun sign  are extremely impatient and sometimes appear to be selfish. Arian anger is renowned. Lively, passionate, and with a sharp wit the Arian is an outgoing person but who loses interest quickly and gets bored easily. Enormously egoistical, courageons Outgoing. Lose interest quickly - easily bored. Egotistical. Courageous and assertive. Tends to be physical and athletic.
16 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
TAURUS - The Enduring One
Charming but aggressive. Can come off as boring, but they are not. Hard workers. Warm-hearted. Strong, has endurance. Solid beings who are stable and secure in their ways. Not looking for shortcuts. Take pride in their beauty. Patient and reliable. Make great friends and give good advice. Loving and kind. Loves hard - passionate. Express themselves emotionally. Prone to ferocious temper-tantrums. Determined. Indulge themselves often. Very generous.
12 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
GEMINI - The Chatterbox
Smart and witty. Outgoing, very chatty. Lively, energetic. Adaptable but needs to express themselves. Argumentative and outspoken. Likes change. Versatile. Busy, sometimes nervous and tense. Gossips. May seem superficial or inconsistent, but is only changeable. Beautiful physically and mentally.
5 years of bad luck if you do not forward
CANCER - The Protector
Moody, emotional. May be shy. Very loving and caring. Pretty/handsome. Excellent partners for life. Protective. Inventive and imaginative. Cautious. Touchy-feely kind of person. Needs love from others. Easily hurt, but sympathetic.
16 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
LEO - The Boss
Very organized. Need order in their lives - like being in control. Like boundaries. Tend to take over everything. Bossy. Like to help others. Social and outgoing. Extroverted. Generous, warm-hearted. Sensitive. Creative energy. Full of themselves. Loving. D oing the right thing is important to Leos. Attractive.
< FONT face=Arial color=blue>13 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
VIRGO - The Perfectionist
Dominant in relationships. Conservative. Always wants the last word. Argumentative. Worries. Very smart. Dislikes noise and chaos. Eager. Hardworking. Loyal. Beautiful. Easy to talk to. Hard to please. Harsh. Practical and very fussy. Often shy. Pessimistic.
7 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
LIBRA - The Harmonizer
Nice to everyone they meet. Can't make up their mind. Have own unique appeal. Creative, energetic, and very social. Hates to be alone. Peaceful, generous. Very loving and beautiful. Flirtatious. Give in too easily. Procrastinators. Very gullible.
9 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
SCORPIO - The Intense One
Very energetic. Intelligent. Can be jealous and/or possessive. Hardworking. Great kisser. Can become obsessive or secretive. Holds grudges. Attractive. Determined. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Romantic. Can be self-centered at times. Passionate and Emotional.
4 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
SAGITTARIUS - The Happy-Go-Lucky One
Good-natured optimist. Doesn't want to grow up (Peter Pan Syndrome). Indulges self. Boastful. Likes luxuries and gambling. Social and outgoing. Doesn't like responsibilities. Often fantasizes. Impatient. Fun to be around. Having lots of friends. Flirtatious. Doesn't like rules. Sometimes hypocritical. Dislikes being confined - tight spaces or even tight clothes. Doesn't like being doubted. Beautiful inside and out.
CAPRICORN - The Go-Getter
Patient and wise. Practical and rigid. Ambitious. Tends to be good-looking. Humorous and funny. Can be a bit shy and reserved. Often pessimists. Capricorns tend to act before they think and can be unfriendly y at times. Hold grudges. Like competition. Get what they want.
20 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
AQUARIUS - The Sweetheart
Optimistic and honest. Sweet personality. Very independent. Inventive and intelligent. Friendly and loyal. Can seem unemotional. Can be a bit rebellious. Very stubborn, but original and unique Attractive on the inside and out. Eccentric personality.
< /I>11 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
PISCES - The Dreamer
Generous, kind, and thoughtful. Very creative and imaginative. May become secretive and vague. Sensitive. Don't like details Dreamy and unrealistic. Sympathetic and loving. Kind. Unselfish. Good kisser. Beautiful.
8 years of bad luck if you do not forward. |
