Canteen Banter

Computer- XX or XY?

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.' 
'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'  
A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.  Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.  

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)
 The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.

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The Right Way to Describe..

Dentist

A magician who puts metal into your mouth and pulls coins out of your pocket.

A person who always believes in hand-to-mouth service.

Diet

Something you keep putting off while you keep putting on.
The penalty for exceeding the feed limit.
A system of starving yourself to death, so you can live a little longer.

Dancing

The art of pulling your feet away faster than your partner can step on them.

Critic

A man who knows the way, but can’t drive the car.

Etiquette

The noise you don’t make when you are eating soup.

Executive
A person who talks golf in the office and business on the golf course

Etc

A sign when used makes others believe you know more than you do.

Employer

One who is looking for men and women between the ages 21 and 30 with 40 years of
experience.

Diplomat

A husband who can convince his wife that she wants an umbrella when she thinks she want a fur coat.

One who can yawn with his mouth closed.

Friend

A person who listens attentively while you say nothing.

Judge

A gentleman invited to sit on the Bench, after a lot of standing at the Bar

Modern Wife

One who knows what her husband’s favourite dishes are and the restaurants that serve them.

Psychiatrist

One who doesn’t have to worry as long as other people do.

Psychologist